Now it’s moving over to www.simonlawry.com. I’m switching over as I make a huge transition in my life. It’s the right time. Please continue to follow what I write there!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

Simon

This podcast really helped me come to grips with where I am at. If anything that I have said above resonates with you I would recommend you listened to that podcast, and then maybe this one too.

It is a very difficult thing to come to terms with. Especially because it seems so obvious. To first of all even realise that there is stuff constantly going on in my body, and that I am spose to be listening to it, and not just ignoring it and pushing it to one side. It’s hard to lie on my bed and to feel stuff working round my body and to not know what it is because it is all so new to me. But I’m making great progress. It’s awesome to see the change and to know that the action I’m a taking is having results. It’s awesome to know that this is going to change my life, in some way.

It feels good

That place is not in the physical world. It is inside me. It is the dark place where everything I have suppressed over the last 24 years has gone. Particularly anger. Those who know me, will know I don’t get angry. I don’t identify with anger. I have never seen how anger could be a positive thing. I thought I didn’t have any anger. By thinking that, I effectively didn’t, because whenever it came up, I would shut it down. Push it away. Deny it. I have since learned that to deny any part of yourself is to deny all of yourself. It’s like cutting off your own foot that has been infected with gangrene, only to have the hand you use to amputate fall off too.

Anger is not the only thing in there. There is a lot of pain. But there is also a fire that I have had tiny glimpses of, since coming to the realisation that I am at this point now. A power that I have not felt before. A deep resolve. A ‘don’t fuck with me’ energy. As Sam Keene puts it, a Fire in the Belly. I never really understood what he was talking about in his book, ‘Fire in the Belly’ until now. He talked of the shadow. The place you must go before breaking out. I asked myself, ‘What is my shadow?’, ‘Do I have a shadow?’, ‘How do I find it?’. I was in a place of denial to an extent. But moreover, a place of unawareness. As I have said before (I think I’ve said it here), the first step in dealing with anything is awareness. Keene also talks about coming out the other side. The tunnel has to be entered before you can get to the light at the end of it. I wasn’t sure I had that tunnel, and sure as hell didn’t know where the entrance was. I know now though, because I’m standing in front of it.

I guess this has been the point that I have been journeying to over the last year. To first of all discover that I have a dark side. I would like to point out that Gary is not my shadow. I see Gary as more of my saboteur. The type of behaviour I go into when I lose motivation and direction. My shadow is different. I don’t want to be Gary, but it’s something I have been aware of and acknowledged. My shadow is different. I had no idea it was there. It is black, I have no idea what is in there, and it’s scary as hell.

I don’t know what the path looks like. Hell, I don’t even know if there is a path. I don’t even know what the end point is. I don’t know what the light at the end of the tunnel will be like. I have no idea about all of this stuff. I only know that I am now aware of what it is that has been holding me back. Holding me down and constraining me. I realise now that it has been like a straight jacket, with a ball and chain attached. I’ve been wriggling and squirming inside it for a long, long time, and havn’t even realised that I was wearing one. I think a lot of other people have seen me in it. They have seen what I can be once I reach the light at the end of the tunnel, and they have seen that I’m all tied up by something. They can’t articulate either way. What I can be, and what it is that is tying me up. They only know for themselves that it is there. Finally, I know too. And I’m diving in. I’m shaking my head as I write this, for I know it’s going to be such a wild ride.

For those of you concerned about me and this journey I am leaping into, thank you. I appreciate your worry. I want you to know that I have a huge community already committed to supporting me. I have my own coach. I have a collection of at least half a dozen additional life coaches who have offered me support. I have at least 10 strong, courageous men to help me get into the black safely. I have amazing women ready to nuture me when I go back into the pain of whatever the suppressed wounds are. Those same brave women will challenge me to step in to when I am afraid. I have friends and allies to journey with me. And I am so unbelievably grateful to each and every person who has said that they will be there for me. It touches my heart and my soul.

I saw this person about a week later, and her attitude and behaviour towards me had changed quite a bit. It was almost to the point where she were avoiding me, which was understandable given what had happened. I felt bad about it, because it was my fault, and it wasn’t what either of us wanted.

A couple of weeks later, I saw her again. It wasn’t as awkward energetically, but it was still sitting there. I decided that I had to do something about this because I didn’t like the way this had affected our friendship. I value her as a friend, and want to repair the damage that had been done.

So I had to swallow my pride. I called her, and I told her I was sorry and that I knew I screwed up. I told her that I knew I had lost her trust, and that I understood why that had happened. I also told her that I wanted to regain her trust, and that I know that it will take time. She responded really well. We talked a little bit about what had happened and opened up communication. The only thing I wish I’d done differently is that I wished I’d done it one week after the incident, instead of four.

I realised (again) how important it is to own your mistakes. How important it is to say sorry, and mean it. How important it is to sit in the other person’s shoes, and try and experience the situation from their side. How important it is to communicate with truth, from the heart.

I’m looking forward to seeing this friendship grow.

I could go on and on about what the workshops I have done, have done for me, but I won’t. All I will say is that they have changed my life, and accelerated my growth immensely.

For the record and to make this very clear, I do not benefit in any way from writing this post. I have not been asked to do it, nor to I receive any money or discounts for doing it. Real Education don’t even know I’m writing this.

I am writing this to let you know that the opportunity is there to have your own experience up the mountain. Real Woman 1 is on on the 18th – 21st of Feb, and Real Man 1 is on on the 25th – 28th of March. It is unforgettable, and life changing. I have a number of vouchers available that bring the cost down.

On the matter of cost. Yes, it is very expensive. Is it worth it? Totally. There is not a second that I have regretted any of the money that I have spent on this work.

So if you would like to know more, get in touch with me at simonlawry@gmail.com. You can ask questions about my experience, or if you would like to speak to other people, or a woman about there experiences, we can make that happen easily.

Check out Real Education online here.

Also, if you want a window into some of the work that Real does, they are holding a free seminar on the 13th and 14th of March called Real Secrets to Success. My understanding is that it is a bit of an overview of two of the seminars, Real Life Design, and Real Relationships. I have been given an invitation to distribute to you all. I don’t believe this has been made publicly available yet. You can download the invitation here: Real Secrets To Success. It’s a way to get a very good insight into the seminars that Real run. Note: this is very different from Real Man/Woman.

The other option is to come along to a Real Teens Logistic training session. Real Teens is the a not-fot-profit spun out of Real Education, and we run workshops for teenagers. This is how I first got exposed to real. The training sessions we run are a great opportunity to meet cool people, and have some fun. I believe the first session is free, which is the 27th of Feb, but after that I think there will be $5, which goes towards materials for the sessions (I’m not 100% sure on this, so no guarantees). Again, full disclosure: I’m on the Real Teens Foundation committee, I am helping organise and run the Logistics training sessions, and I am doing the facilitator training program offered by Real Teens this year.

It’s a fantastic way to learn about yourself, have some fun, and being involved in the workshop, and being in service to teenagers, is one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. Get in touch if you want more info on the Real Teens training.

So. I ask you to consider Real in some way. I made my journey alone for far too long. To have an amazing group of people to share the journey with you is fantasmic. Again, any questions, feel free to get in touch. Once you have considered this, you can turn your judgement back.

Okies! Hope everyone is rocking the new year, and is having a great time!

Much love to all!

S.

1. I don’t know what I want.

2. Because I don’t know what I want, I commit to lots of big things, and I spread myself thin.

3. ‘Connectedness’ is one of my biggest values, yet I’m most comfortable not connecting (from conditioning). Yay for paradox.

4. Only when you give yourself time to be yourself, can you really move about the world in affect.

5. Live with intention. Know what I am doing is contributing to, even if that is relaxation. If I don’t know what what I am doing is contributing to, stop and do something else, where I do know.

6. “You (I) am already what you (I) am searching for” Guy Sengstock.

7. The universe will provide. You just have to jump of the cliff.

Peace and Love.

They say that neither of them is better than the other, pretty much. Both are very useful and especially if you know how to use your typical motivation style well. I’ve realised that I have been using an away from motivation for pretty much my whole life. And apparently that’s cool. Except, I don’t think it is, and let me explain why.

I think that my away from motivation is generally a bad thing because I have never really known what I want. I think the only time I actually knew what I wanted to do was when I decided to go to on exchange. I didn’t really mind where, although I had my criteria. I knew I wanted to go, and I worked my arse of for about 18 months so that I could actually go. Since then though, I haven’t ever really done anything that I REALLY wanted to do. I went through the motions. And I went through the motions well. I got my undergrad degree, with first degree honours. I’m doing my PhD now, and I chose to do it because nothing else had really presented itself, and it was the best of what was available. As Guy Sengstock says, I got lost into the content of my life. I got caught in the grind. I wasn’t aware that there was another way. I wasn’t aware that there are a million other way. I didn’t know that my life is not dictated by the things that happen around me. I didn’t know that I create my own life every day.

While I wanted to do these things, there was something missing. The way that it is referred to among some of the people that I hang with is as ‘The burn’. I had the burn to go on exchange. It was something that I would have done what ever it took to do it. I had the burn, the fire in the belly. But it is something that has been lacking since. I’ve only felt the burn since I have begun to actually to work on myself, and to grow.

My journey, over the next year, is to really find what my new passion is. To rekindle the fire in the belly. To get that burn back. I have some idea’s about what it is, and I am taking some pretty radical steps, and making some big commitments to the direction I feel I want to move in. I want to equip myself so I can finish my Phd, and go and chase my dream. The journey is gaining absolute clarity on what that dream is.

I was sitting in the train, and looked out the window. The was a really beautiful cloud formation and the sun was behind it, and it looked awesome. I actually tweeted ‘The clouds look happy”. They did .

I was listen to some music at the time, on shuffle with about 4000 songs, and about 20 seconds after I sent the tweet I heard this line: “How many times must a man look up, before he sees the sky”.

I sat back and said ‘woah’ to myself, and skipped back to the start of the song to listen to it in it’s entirety.

This is the song:

The song, is of course, Bob Dylan, Blowin in the Wind. The lyrics are below. It strikes a cord with me. How about you?

Blowin in the Wind – Bob Dylan

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?

Yes, ‘n’ how many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?

Yes, ‘n’ how many times must the cannon balls fly before they’re forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind,

The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist before it’s washed to the sea?

Yes, ‘n’ how many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free?

Yes, ‘n’ how many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn’t see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind,

The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?

Yes, ‘n’ how many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?

Yes, ‘n’ how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind,

The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

He explains that before anything happens the person is like a caterpillar. The are vulnerable to attack, moving about slowly, and inelegantly. They have a fairly limited outlook on life. The are restricted to the branches they can climb, and the ground. A lot of caterpillars get picked off, and don’t make it any further in their life cycle. In terms of an individual, they stay at that level, not moving further. But if the caterpillar survives for long enough, all of a sudden one day something happens!

Beyond the little caterpillar’s control, he starts to spin himself a cocoon. He struggles and fights and wriggles and squirms as he build this cocoon. He compresses, he expands. He does what ever it takes for him to get inside this cocoon. He doesn’t know what will happen, but he knows he has to do it.

He sits within the cocoon, and begins to change. He is vulnerable. He is so vulnerable. But he is also protected. He sit in his on turmoil, and he suffers. But he is changing. He is growing. He is no longer what he was, but he is not yet what he will be. He starts to see and understand what he was, and he begins to get an inkling of what he is becoming.

He is really changing now. He is changing physically. He looks different. He feels different. He knows he is close to the end. Close to the rebirth. But if he is cut out of his cocoon, if someone helps him out too much, instead of just protecting him, he will come out as this changed being, this beautiful butterfly, but he won’t be able to fly, and will die on the branch, as this beautiful creature who is supposed to be fluttering about in the environment.

Then something happens, the caterpillar-come-butterfly is now ready to burst out of it’s cocoon. He makes the move and cracks the cocoon. He struggles out of the tiny crack, making it bigger as he goes, squeezing all of the fluid out of it’s crumpled wings. Now this beautiful butterfly sits there, and waits for it’s wings to unfurl. It is at it’s most vulnerable right now. It can be picked off so easily. It can’t run. It can’t hide.

If it’s wings expanded, and it survives the time of waiting, then does it’s life really begin. Then can it flutter and soar to it’s hearts content. It can feast on the nectar of flowers, and see the whole from a whole new place. It’s beauty is revered by others, and it is smiled upon.

Last year was my year in the cocoon. This year, is my first year as a butterfly. Bring it.

Simon Lawry

Just over 2 weeks ago, I did something I have been wanting to do for a while. I organised a mens circle. I got together with a group of men, and we spented two hours sharing and talking about where we were at in our lives, and some of the issues that we were coming up against at that moment. Some of the men, I know very well, and have been vulnerable with before, and vice versa. My relationship with other men had not reached that level yet. I knew everyone involved. Others hadn’t met some of the other men.

The openess and the vulnerability shown by everyone was incredible. It was such a peaceful and liberating experience. The wisdom that was shared, and the guidance that was given, has helped me personally move past some of my current issues that I was feeling towards my PhD. Others got support on a range of topics. Other sat and listened, and spoke occasionally. Others not at all. There was a fantastic energy, and it fostered a kinship among us. While I know that already the membership has changed, I feel that a sense of brotherhood will develop between us all, as what we are doing together moves our friendships into new depths.

I am proud to be part of a group of fantastic men. Some of which were very sceptical and reserved about the whole process. They stepped up fantastically and embaced what we did. You know who you are and I applaud your courage. I can’t begin to express the feelings that the process bought up with me, and the peace I felt at the end. It was amazing. It has added another element to my life, which will support me and my friends moving forward. I am also proud that I took the initiative, and set this up. I had faith in what I was doing, and I followed through.

If you are looking for a way to move forward, think about starting your own men’s group with some of your friends, and some of their friends. I’m willing to help out if you would like some guidance. It is an amazing way forward. If you want to get in touch, drop me a line in the comments, or email me here: simonlawry@gmail.com

Make the change in your life. You have the power. As Murray Masarik says “When you stand up, other people find out who they are.’

Simon Lawry.